snakypoet: (with Chamuel)
I have just finished reading a book about death, a beautiful book called The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak. It is narrated by Death — who, in the book, is quite a decent bloke.  At one point he remarks that a difference between humans and himself is that humans have the good sense to die.

Today would have been my dearest's 84th birthday. But he died when he was still 83. Eight and three make eleven, the number of mastery. And he had mastered his life by its end. He had mellowed considerably from the lovable but exasperating little dynamo he so often used to be. He had absolutely entered into unconditional love. Sometimes, from dementia, he was like a child. But it was a light dementia, and even at his most confused moments he knew how to be loving, and was most concerned that I should know I was loved. (I did know. I do know.) He was like that in his many lucid moments, too.

He had the good sense to die just at the point when his body stopped working. Up until then, although he had pain and frailty, limitations and frustrations, his quality of life outweighed its drawbacks. He died just at the point where it was going to become the other way about

He was a great communicator during his life, and since his death he has been in communication with those who are able to perceive it. So we know that he is busy and happy, interested and engaged as always. Resting in peace? Not exactly. But his earthly troubles are over. He lived a long life, experienced joy and adventure, and contributed a lot to the wellbeing of others

I miss him like hell, remember him well, and cannot wish that he had lingered longer. I was very lucky to be with him for those 20 brilliant years.
snakypoet: (Default)
A new friend on facebook just started a chat with me to invite me to a Scandinavian festival in a city two hours from where I live. I was surprised because she lives in Denmark, so I asked if she was visiting here. No, but she knew people who were going and would love to go herself.

She knows my husband died only five days ago and thinks it would cheer me up.
Read more... )


Aug. 24th, 2012 07:10 am
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My darling husband has improved so much that today he is being moved to Heritage Lodge, the lovely nursing home which he so recently enjoyed staying in. This time he is going into 'high care' and, at least at first, sharing a room with a very nice gentleman who was in the same hospital ward with him until a few days ago. He will be in the window bed, looking out on a garden.

Yesterday he was in very good spirits, and he has been pain-free for some time. His mind is wandering a bit, which may be due to the infection he has had pushing his blood sugar up high, in which case it should settle down a bit.
Read more... )
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All day he has been by the window, looking out at the hills across the way. This morning he was sitting up, admiring them. This afternoon he was resting. When I asked, 'Are you awake?' he opened his eyes, looked out at the sky, and said with pleasure, 'Oh, it's all bright!'

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I am full of good chicken soup from my friend Kay, to which I added a handful of rice. Mind you, it doesn't take much to make me full just now. I am glad I'm able to keep some food down, still don't have a huge appetite.

Enjoying again my pretty, peaceful back yard, and breathing in the fresh air. Glad I am able to breathe freely at this moment.  Read more... )
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As [Spouse's] carer, I am someone I never dreamed I could be. This is to do with his specific combination of physical and mental impairment, and the point they have reached by now.
Read more... )
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I haven't been here much lately, owing to health dramas with the Beloved. We thought he must go permanently into a nursing home, and he did for two weeks. That was disastrous for him mentally, and emotional torture for us both. Fortunately I was able to bring him back home to live, and restore in-home help and respite. We'll be getting some physio for him, to ensure his legs don't give way and stop working again, which is what caused him to be there.

Details of this painful but ultimately positive journey are recorded in prose in my Shifting Fog blog under the 'institutional care' label; in verse at The Passionate Crone, those written under the 'Him' label during April and May.

I have to look after me too, so have dropped some of my commitments, mainly things I was doing for other people. I contemplated dropping LJ too, as I seemed to have abandoned it already by default. But it's always been a source of joy for me, so I won't do that.  Reducing other activities may even allow me to be here more often! :)


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